This week, I most definitely:
~ did not get a call from Sirius radio. They did not ask me again to re-subscribe despite all of this. When I told them I was still getting their service, even though I canceled it months ago, they did not adamantly deny that. I did not then actually laugh at the salesperson and say, "okay, if you say so." That would be very pop-off-ish and everyone knows I am most definitely not a pop-off. (P.S. My husband did not have to admonish me from the other room to end the conversation either.) No, not me!
~did not cheerfully post of my newfound technique of making grilled pizza and then proceed to make it a second time and char it beyond recognition. I did not have to throw the pizza crust into the trash. I did not then have to dig through my freezer looking for another option for the crust, finally deciding to make french bread pizza out of a baguette (it was actually really good, though.) No, not me!
~did not just realize that your car's gas gauge has an arrow that points to what side of the car your gas tank is on. I have, of course, known this all my life. I have not ever rolled down my window to look and see where the gas tank is, depending on the car I'm driving. No, not me!
~did not go shopping at Target and roam around the Halloween candy section for way too much time. I did not pick up a bag of pumpkin spice Hershey's kisses and open the bag in the store, either, nor eat a generous handful of them in place of dinner. I would never eat anything before I actually paid for it, and I would never replace a meal with candy. No, not me! (P.S. In order not to let the checker think you are a total idiot, be sure to offer him/her a candy from the open bag. It diffuses the situation immediately.)
~did not see this at a cute boutique and decided I had to have it:
...and I most definitely have not been intoxicated all week from it. I know how dangerous it would be to have your house smell like chocolate, for crying out loud, and would never bring such an item to my house. I have not had to run to the candy dish for a piece of chocolate while it's burning, either. And, of course, I would never waste money buying candles (even cute ones in tins with Hershey's labels) because I make all my own. No, not me!
~did not just go into Drew's empty room daily for no reason. I am not missing my boy who moved out a month ago to go to college. I am not wishing he would be just a little homesick and just want to come hang out at home. No, not me!
~did not, on this very day 23 years ago, get asked by Rich to be his wife. I did not ever in my wildest dreams, know that would be the best "yes" I ever said. No, not me!